It's been months since I've looked at this blog. No, I didn't intentionally abandon it. Truth is, I've been busy making plans. Things started getting really bad with my husband again. He almost punched me a couple of times. If I hadn't yelled at him to please hit me and give me a reason to call the cops he would have. But he's scared of going to jail. So I was lucky and he stopped. He started making weird comments about me dying. Making up stories about my son saying that "If mommy dies will daddy still love her?" What three year old can put together a sentence like that AND understand what he's saying??? He had also started taking things out on my son. My son had climbed up in the recliner because he wanted to sit with his dad. When my husband got to his chair, he got so angry he yanked my son out of the chair as hard as he could. His little body whipped across the room, feet not touching the floor. I freaked out. I thought his arm was dislocated. Who does something like that to a child when he or she just wants to sit with you??? Then, the last week of May, he spanked Ethan so hard he left huge white welts all over his butt. We got in a very public fight at the mall. He told me he didn't want to invest in our marriage. So I said I'd just leave right now then. He tried to take my son from me, and I screamed at him to get his hands off my son loud enough to draw attention from all the people around. I knew I had to leave for good. So Friday, June 1st, I dropped him at work, and ran home and threw everything I could in my car, posted an ad on craigslist that I was having a "garage sale for donations to help me leave a DV marriage" I sold a bunch of stuff and made enough money that I was able to get out of there. I tried calling the DV shelter and was turned away day after day. Finally after a week, I was able to leave the state. I filed a restraining order there before I left, and filed one this last week in the state I'm in now. I also filed for divorce this last week as well. Now I just need to send the documents to the Sheriffs department out there so they can serve him. I have felt such freedom since I left. I've already lost some weight, and I'm finally sleeping again. The anxiety attacks and panic attacks are gone. My son is no longer having night terrors and doesn't ask about him at all. The judge ordered mandatory phone calls three times a week with him, but he has to pay for the phone and has to be at specific times and days. He's already missed two of those calls.
Anyway, I plan on getting back to this blog, I'm just getting settled into my new life. There is hope ladies. (and gentlemen)
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Why Only Women?
This was sent to me by a man who had been the victim of abuse by his spouse. I had started this blog for stories of Domestic Violence from women, but there are many men who are abused by women as well. Just because someone is a man doesn't mean that it can't happen to them. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Why only women?
Men are a statistic too, there are plenty of men who have survived physically abuse relationships at the hand of a partner (be it man or woman). I myself had a physically abusive spouse. I can't tell you how many times I had called the cops just to get kicked out of my own house because I'm a male, never once did I hit her, but we have kids and it's "better for the mom to be there for them" that's a direct quote from the police officer. Now we are separated and going through proceedings, it took a video of her battering me for my family to even begin to understand what I was going through. Countless times I was punched, kicked, clawed, spit on; name it it happened. Each time it made me feel worthless, I'm a man, I wouldn't stand up for myself, I wouldn't fight back, if I did everyone would think so poorly of me.. trust me men go through just as much as women do in a physically abusive relationship; I talk about these things every other week in counseling, reliving it and reminding myself it wasn't my fault was just the start.
Why only women?
Men are a statistic too, there are plenty of men who have survived physically abuse relationships at the hand of a partner (be it man or woman). I myself had a physically abusive spouse. I can't tell you how many times I had called the cops just to get kicked out of my own house because I'm a male, never once did I hit her, but we have kids and it's "better for the mom to be there for them" that's a direct quote from the police officer. Now we are separated and going through proceedings, it took a video of her battering me for my family to even begin to understand what I was going through. Countless times I was punched, kicked, clawed, spit on; name it it happened. Each time it made me feel worthless, I'm a man, I wouldn't stand up for myself, I wouldn't fight back, if I did everyone would think so poorly of me.. trust me men go through just as much as women do in a physically abusive relationship; I talk about these things every other week in counseling, reliving it and reminding myself it wasn't my fault was just the start.
Ten Years
Let see....I was in a relationship with a man for 10 years. Out of those 10 years I spent half of that hiding my scars from my family. He was a man that was intimidated by my annual income...so he would choke me everytime I got paid to let me know he was the man of the house. He would unfaithful to me in my face...in our home and bed. If I would get ill he would be beat me and say he was beating the illness out. I always cook,cleaned,worked and took care of the children by myself. He took his paychecks and bought video games or movies. I wasn't allowed to look talk or speak to other people if he was around, it was a sign of disrespect. If I decided to wake up one morning and just beautify myself (wear lip gloss and a nice summer dress with sandals), I was accused of cheating and would get jumped on. I was beaten for buying me a truck because I was tired of me and my children having to catch the bus in the winter (It gets pretty cold up north).
Thank you for sharing your story with me. What you went through was terrible and I am glad you were able to get out of that relationship.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. What you went through was terrible and I am glad you were able to get out of that relationship.
When a Child is Involved
This brave mother tells her story about how she kept her child safe. She was brave and lucky to get out of the relationship before things got worse. Thank you for your story and for making the right choice for yourself and your son.
This was 12 years ago
My son was three.
Dad had only been out of Huntsville state pen. For seven months.
He stayed home all day drinking vodka the day it happened. He kept the baby out of daycare that day.
I worked 12 hours at a car dealership and drove a demo so he could have a car to take the baby to daycare.
There were signs that he had anger issues .
I knew there was going to be trouble as soon as I walked in. Before the night was over I had dropped the baby over a chain link fence to get the neighbors to call the police. They showed up and arrested dad and he left in a police car.
While he was locked up they got his meds straight. It was the first time he put his hands on me. I was strong enough to make a stand. I knew it was not a stable environment for a child. The stress of being afraid. Of not knowing when the next meltdown was coming.
We never let daddy come home agian. He eventually got distracted by another women. We saw him twice after he got out of jail.
Last summer the baby wanted to meet daddy. I totally supported his efforts to make contact. With inner dread. He searches by name and birthday .daddy is on the social security listed as deceased. Closure after years of fear.
My son is well adjusted. Normal teenager. We were lucky. There is life after men. And ours is good. I own my home. We have come along way since that cold January night.
You must be strong and know you can live a good life as soon as you get away from the danger nobody should be afraid in there own home.
you have the strength to achieve success without drama. You must protect yourself above all else.
This was 12 years ago
My son was three.
Dad had only been out of Huntsville state pen. For seven months.
He stayed home all day drinking vodka the day it happened. He kept the baby out of daycare that day.
I worked 12 hours at a car dealership and drove a demo so he could have a car to take the baby to daycare.
There were signs that he had anger issues .
I knew there was going to be trouble as soon as I walked in. Before the night was over I had dropped the baby over a chain link fence to get the neighbors to call the police. They showed up and arrested dad and he left in a police car.
While he was locked up they got his meds straight. It was the first time he put his hands on me. I was strong enough to make a stand. I knew it was not a stable environment for a child. The stress of being afraid. Of not knowing when the next meltdown was coming.
We never let daddy come home agian. He eventually got distracted by another women. We saw him twice after he got out of jail.
Last summer the baby wanted to meet daddy. I totally supported his efforts to make contact. With inner dread. He searches by name and birthday .daddy is on the social security listed as deceased. Closure after years of fear.
My son is well adjusted. Normal teenager. We were lucky. There is life after men. And ours is good. I own my home. We have come along way since that cold January night.
You must be strong and know you can live a good life as soon as you get away from the danger nobody should be afraid in there own home.
you have the strength to achieve success without drama. You must protect yourself above all else.
From the Eyes of the Law
So someone that recently contacted me about this blog is a law enforcement officer who has had many run ins with Domestic Violence. I thought it would be interesting to have stories from a different perspective on here as well. Thank you for sharing your story with me, and for your service.
The very first DV I went to was in a town house, it took us less than 2 minutes from the time the call dropped for us to get on scene. It was a jock that I had gone to school with, someone that was very looked up to, his high school sweetheart sat on the couch with her head down, crying.. I was new so I didn't say much cause I was learning... The guys from school had hit his girlfriend so hard that her right eye was completely swollen shut, much like a boxers eye would be after the 3rd round. She couldn't see out of it, when we pried it open to take pictures all of the blood vessels were blown..... I knew the girl (in passing) from school but didn't even recognize her at all.
What would some one do to get beat so bad.... Get caught cheating?? No, they were watching a movie, he asked (told I'm sure) for some popcorn.. She burnt the popcorn.. Serious ??? This jock that a lot of people looked up to beat her for burning popcorn.... Sad.
Of course she later recanted her story and said she walked into a door and wouldn't show up for court..
May 21st 1995, I had just gone through a divorce.. Oh well crap happens..
I was at work when a priority call came over the radio, DV with a handgun involved. Male was beating the female.
My partner arrived first and I was about 45 seconds behind him, he aired that the suspect had fled in a vehicle and took the gun with him.
I started taking pictures of her and the scene when I heard over the radio that the suspect vehicle had been located... I ran to my car and drove as quickly as I could... And caught up with the other officer and the suspect.
The suspect went one way around the business with the marked patrol car following, and me going the other way around the building in my car... Of course we all met up, Roger* and I were front bumper to front bumper.... Yes he had the gun in his hand and he was pissed... He was slamming his hands on the steering wheel.... Pointing the gun at himself... briefly at me then back to himself... He was yelling & screaming and his car was shaking form his movement.... He was pissed!!!
Rage took over him and he began putting his car in drive, trying to push mine away, then to reverse... Crash into the patrol car behind him.... Then drive.. Crash !! Into my patrol car..... I jumped into my car and floored the gas pinning his car between ours, and the rage built !!!!
By now Roger* was so pissed, I was trying to talk calmly to him but her was still holding the gun... The same gun he had used to smash his girlfriend in the mouth with, knocking out her front teeth..
I talked to Roger for 30 minute trying to get him to drop the gun...... Just drop the FU**KING gun Roger*... He didn't.....
Roger* decided to start walking away form me and towards a crowd that had gathered.... Great, now what is this man full of rage going to do??? I had to do something...
I ran in front of Roger* to start blocking his path, making up my mind I was about to do something that was going to change every ones life....
Roger* turned his head and looked right at me..... I was yelling as loud as I could now !!!! ROGER* !!!! DROP THE GUN !!!!! DROP THE F***KING GUN !!!!!! He continued to look at me while saying "F***K YOU !!!!" full of anger as he started to lower his gun to shoot me..... I fired three times.... All shots hit their mark and he dropped to the pavement... Roger never got another chance to say sorry to anyone...
I had my life pretty much torn apart, Maybe I could have done something different... Maybe I should have said something different... Maybe , maybe , maybe... No, I really didn't have a choice. Roger had several choices that day, many of them changed a lot of peoples life's forever..
I still have the nightmares 15 years later, I still struggle to find peace with what I had to do... I continue to do my job as best I can, as fair as I can because if I don't who will step up and do what's right.
Most people don't like cops until they need one.. I just don't like them in my mirror.
*Name changed
The very first DV I went to was in a town house, it took us less than 2 minutes from the time the call dropped for us to get on scene. It was a jock that I had gone to school with, someone that was very looked up to, his high school sweetheart sat on the couch with her head down, crying.. I was new so I didn't say much cause I was learning... The guys from school had hit his girlfriend so hard that her right eye was completely swollen shut, much like a boxers eye would be after the 3rd round. She couldn't see out of it, when we pried it open to take pictures all of the blood vessels were blown..... I knew the girl (in passing) from school but didn't even recognize her at all.
What would some one do to get beat so bad.... Get caught cheating?? No, they were watching a movie, he asked (told I'm sure) for some popcorn.. She burnt the popcorn.. Serious ??? This jock that a lot of people looked up to beat her for burning popcorn.... Sad.
Of course she later recanted her story and said she walked into a door and wouldn't show up for court..
May 21st 1995, I had just gone through a divorce.. Oh well crap happens..
I was at work when a priority call came over the radio, DV with a handgun involved. Male was beating the female.
My partner arrived first and I was about 45 seconds behind him, he aired that the suspect had fled in a vehicle and took the gun with him.
I started taking pictures of her and the scene when I heard over the radio that the suspect vehicle had been located... I ran to my car and drove as quickly as I could... And caught up with the other officer and the suspect.
The suspect went one way around the business with the marked patrol car following, and me going the other way around the building in my car... Of course we all met up, Roger* and I were front bumper to front bumper.... Yes he had the gun in his hand and he was pissed... He was slamming his hands on the steering wheel.... Pointing the gun at himself... briefly at me then back to himself... He was yelling & screaming and his car was shaking form his movement.... He was pissed!!!
Rage took over him and he began putting his car in drive, trying to push mine away, then to reverse... Crash into the patrol car behind him.... Then drive.. Crash !! Into my patrol car..... I jumped into my car and floored the gas pinning his car between ours, and the rage built !!!!
By now Roger* was so pissed, I was trying to talk calmly to him but her was still holding the gun... The same gun he had used to smash his girlfriend in the mouth with, knocking out her front teeth..
I talked to Roger for 30 minute trying to get him to drop the gun...... Just drop the FU**KING gun Roger*... He didn't.....
Roger* decided to start walking away form me and towards a crowd that had gathered.... Great, now what is this man full of rage going to do??? I had to do something...
I ran in front of Roger* to start blocking his path, making up my mind I was about to do something that was going to change every ones life....
Roger* turned his head and looked right at me..... I was yelling as loud as I could now !!!! ROGER* !!!! DROP THE GUN !!!!! DROP THE F***KING GUN !!!!!! He continued to look at me while saying "F***K YOU !!!!" full of anger as he started to lower his gun to shoot me..... I fired three times.... All shots hit their mark and he dropped to the pavement... Roger never got another chance to say sorry to anyone...
I had my life pretty much torn apart, Maybe I could have done something different... Maybe I should have said something different... Maybe , maybe , maybe... No, I really didn't have a choice. Roger had several choices that day, many of them changed a lot of peoples life's forever..
I still have the nightmares 15 years later, I still struggle to find peace with what I had to do... I continue to do my job as best I can, as fair as I can because if I don't who will step up and do what's right.
Most people don't like cops until they need one.. I just don't like them in my mirror.
*Name changed
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
First Fight
Shortly after we were married, my husband was put on Oxycodone. The VA had no idea what was wrong with him, so they decided to just medicate him. He changed from a fun happy guy, to someone I had never thought he could be. He ignored me all the time, and when he did decide to talk to me he would be very demeaning, calling me worthless, stupid, ugly, fat, and more. I did everything I could think of to make him notice me. I was affectionate, did everything around the home, made him wonderful meals, and worked hard. I told him I loved him often and would support him in anything. He didn't notice anything. I don't think he noticed the sun come up. He spent his days at work, and his nights playing World of Warcraft. I actually had to play it with him so I could spend time with him.
Every day his mood was different. I didn't know if he was going to be in a good mood, depressed, or easily angered. I would be quiet from the moment he got home until I knew what kind of mood he was in. I walked on eggshells.
One day I was upset because he hadn't spoken to me in a week. Not one word. We had only been married about six months. I interrupted him as he was getting ready to go on a "run" on WoW and refused to let him play, telling him I would delete the game from the computer if he didn't talk to me again. Suddenly he turned and started walking very quickly towards me. His eyes were dark, I could see the rage. His hand quickly wrapped around my throat, tightening, as he continued walking, pushing me down to the floor and squeezing my throat. I can't remember what he was screaming at me. All I remember is the look in his eyes. It was like he wasn't there. Like it was some evil creature in front of me. I don't know how long he had me pinned in the corner of our bedroom. I know he was screaming at me, and I know I was thinking he was going to start hitting me.
Somehow he stopped. It was like he realized what was going on. He took his hand from my throat, and started profusely apologizing. Begging me to forgive him. He hugged me and didn't let go for a while. I remember thinking "he didn't hit me. If he hit me I would leave". Thinking back, I know I should have left. I loved him so much, I thought that he wouldn't do it again because he realized what he had done. He would get help. He promised. He loved me. It wouldn't happen again.
Every day his mood was different. I didn't know if he was going to be in a good mood, depressed, or easily angered. I would be quiet from the moment he got home until I knew what kind of mood he was in. I walked on eggshells.
One day I was upset because he hadn't spoken to me in a week. Not one word. We had only been married about six months. I interrupted him as he was getting ready to go on a "run" on WoW and refused to let him play, telling him I would delete the game from the computer if he didn't talk to me again. Suddenly he turned and started walking very quickly towards me. His eyes were dark, I could see the rage. His hand quickly wrapped around my throat, tightening, as he continued walking, pushing me down to the floor and squeezing my throat. I can't remember what he was screaming at me. All I remember is the look in his eyes. It was like he wasn't there. Like it was some evil creature in front of me. I don't know how long he had me pinned in the corner of our bedroom. I know he was screaming at me, and I know I was thinking he was going to start hitting me.
Somehow he stopped. It was like he realized what was going on. He took his hand from my throat, and started profusely apologizing. Begging me to forgive him. He hugged me and didn't let go for a while. I remember thinking "he didn't hit me. If he hit me I would leave". Thinking back, I know I should have left. I loved him so much, I thought that he wouldn't do it again because he realized what he had done. He would get help. He promised. He loved me. It wouldn't happen again.
Holly's* Story
This is the story of Holly*. She is a brave woman who has made the choice to share her story with us.
I was a wife for over three years and it was a very long three years. This is how it started... I was 17 years old and I met who I thought was the man of my dreams which turned into the man of my nightmares... He was a gentle man and treated me so good untill a few days after we got married... We got married 4 days after I turned 18. Soon after that he left for bootcamp in the army and when he got back things turned for the worse ... We fought a lot and the fights got worse ... It started with getting pushed into walls and it escaslated when we went to the beach and he started beating my dogs I tried to stop him and than he got mad as I was driving back from the beach he grab to the of my head and started smashing it into the steering wheel .. I pulled over got out of the car and he than continued to smash my head into the driver window in which he ended up braking the driver window with my head. Things settled down and we went home, when I said I wanted a divorced he said no .... He started hitting me and when I tried to leave he got onto of me and started choking me and making it so I couldnt breath... He said in my ear the only way I was leaving him was in a body bag... Finally I was able to get out... We went our separate ways but he never really let me be ... He showed me he changed and I gave him a second chance... It was our anniversery and we went to Savannah Georgia and we had a nice night and we started drinking which turned into a night I will never forget.... When we got into the motel room cause we couldnt drive.... he started kissing me and than wanted to have sex.... Well I didnt but it didn't matter what I wanted.... He than began raping me and as I screamed no he just laughed... I blacked out a little and when I asked what happened he laughed and said I raped u .... These are only two of the many stories that I have.... He became a alcoholic and got violent everytime he drank.... He had so much control over me I felt I couldn't leave... I became depressed and just wanted to die... After over three years of abuse I got up the courage and left him ... I am now no longer depressed and I am happy , I finally have friends which he never let me have... And I get to live life and I every once in awhile a think about him and I miss him but than I relize how strong I am and that I dont need him and I know I will never be with him again.... But it is a struggle everyday ... And I dont trust men now which sucks.... But im living life and gaining strenght ....
I was a wife for over three years and it was a very long three years. This is how it started... I was 17 years old and I met who I thought was the man of my dreams which turned into the man of my nightmares... He was a gentle man and treated me so good untill a few days after we got married... We got married 4 days after I turned 18. Soon after that he left for bootcamp in the army and when he got back things turned for the worse ... We fought a lot and the fights got worse ... It started with getting pushed into walls and it escaslated when we went to the beach and he started beating my dogs I tried to stop him and than he got mad as I was driving back from the beach he grab to the of my head and started smashing it into the steering wheel .. I pulled over got out of the car and he than continued to smash my head into the driver window in which he ended up braking the driver window with my head. Things settled down and we went home, when I said I wanted a divorced he said no .... He started hitting me and when I tried to leave he got onto of me and started choking me and making it so I couldnt breath... He said in my ear the only way I was leaving him was in a body bag... Finally I was able to get out... We went our separate ways but he never really let me be ... He showed me he changed and I gave him a second chance... It was our anniversery and we went to Savannah Georgia and we had a nice night and we started drinking which turned into a night I will never forget.... When we got into the motel room cause we couldnt drive.... he started kissing me and than wanted to have sex.... Well I didnt but it didn't matter what I wanted.... He than began raping me and as I screamed no he just laughed... I blacked out a little and when I asked what happened he laughed and said I raped u .... These are only two of the many stories that I have.... He became a alcoholic and got violent everytime he drank.... He had so much control over me I felt I couldn't leave... I became depressed and just wanted to die... After over three years of abuse I got up the courage and left him ... I am now no longer depressed and I am happy , I finally have friends which he never let me have... And I get to live life and I every once in awhile a think about him and I miss him but than I relize how strong I am and that I dont need him and I know I will never be with him again.... But it is a struggle everyday ... And I dont trust men now which sucks.... But im living life and gaining strenght ....
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am so glad that you were able to leave him and have a support system. My heart breaks for what you went through with him. I believe that what we have been through makes us stronger women. We have the power to change lives. Ours, our children's, friends, and even strangers. Our stories have the power to help so many people.
*name has been changed.
Monday, October 3, 2011
The Beginning
The first time I was abused, I was ten years old. I was raped by my brother. I still have not told my mother. He was home for the weekend from the group home he lived in. (My brother had mental problems which were too much for my mother to handle after our father passed away when I was seven.) He would come home every weekend. It was hard on my mom. Ken* was a pathological liar, had ADHD, and the doctors weren't sure if he did or didn't have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.
One summer weekend, we decided to put up the tent in the backyard. I was so excited to spend time with my brother. We laughed, played, rode bikes, and watched movies. That night, we brought our sleeping bags and flash lights out to the tent, and opened the top so we could see the stars. We laid there telling silly jokes and making faces in the light of our flash lights. Suddenly he was in my sleeping bag and started touching me. I tried to push him away, but he told me to be quiet or I'd get in trouble. Before I knew it he was forcing himself on me. When it was over, I climbed out of the tent, threw up, and ran in the house and shut myself in my room. I had no idea what that was. I was only ten. My mom hadn't even explained sex to me, appropriate and inappropriate touching or to tell an adult when something happened. I knew it wasn't right, I felt so dirty, sick.
The next morning I stayed in my room. I didn't want my mom to see me. Somehow I thought that if she looked at me she'd know what I just did. I took the longest shower, and avoided my brother the rest of the day. Never again did I stay the night in the tent with my brother. I avoided him every weekend he was home for the next seven years. I didn't talk to anyone about what had happened, didn't date, and didn't have sex again until I was eighteen.
When I was seventeen I finally got to the point where I could forgive my brother. He had called every day for a year wanting to talk to me. Every day I told my mom I didn't want to talk to him. One day we received a disturbing phone call. The boys home that Ken had been living in for the past few years was being sued for sexually abusing the boys. My brother was one of the boys who had been repeatedly raped by the staff during his stay there. I didn't believe it. I thought he was just lying about it to get attention. I told my mother I wanted to be there in the court room to hear what happened. I needed to. After hearing Ken explain all that happened to him, I cried. A part of me felt so glad that he had to endure that. But my heart broke for him as well. Now he finally knew what it was like to be violated. I cried for days about it. I had so many emotions. I was happy, sad, angry, devastated. But most of all, I felt relief. I felt like I could finally forgive him for what he had done. About a week after court was over, he called home. Again he asked to speak to me. My mom was surprised when I said I wanted to talk to him. He talked for a little while, and asked me what I'd been up to. That's when I said, "I forgive you". He didn't know what I was talking about. He asked me what I was talking about. I remember pausing, wondering how to say it. I finally just said, "I forgive you for raping me when we were younger". My heart was pounding out of my chest. He was quiet for a little bit, and then I heard him start to cry. He cried for about ten minutes. He apologized for hurting me and vowed to make it up to me. We talked for a while, and things were different after that.
Forgiveness is the most important part of healing from abuse. Whether the abuse is sexual, physical, mental, or any other type of abuse, if you don't learn to forgive, you can never move on with your life. Many people can't move past what was done to them, and blame themselves, or continue to hate the person who hurt them. If I had not forgiven my brother, I never would have been able to feel better about myself and start to date. I had to forgive in order to be able to start to trust. I know it's hard, but if you're holding on to a resentment, or anger, please forgive. Forgive your abuser. It's not your fault.
*Name has been changed.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I am a Battered Wife
My name is Nikki. I am 34 years old, mother of a beautiful little boy, and the wife of an abusive husband. It wasn't always like that. Well, not with him. I hoped he would change, but he hasn't. I never thought I would be in an abusive relationship, but it seems that is all I have been in. Hard to understand, or is it? My father was never abusive towards my mother, or my brothers and I. He passed away when I was a little girl. I always promised myself, and I always dreamed, that when I got married I would marry a man just like my father. I dreamt about it as a child. Beautiful wedding to a handsome man who would love me so deeply for all of my life.
My marriage is nothing like that. We've been together almost eight years, married almost seven. I was twenty-six when we met, he was younger than me by four years. He was in the process of getting a medical discharge from the Air Force, raised in a Christian home. He wanted to be a pastor and his love for God was so strong. I needed that at that point in my life. I had been lost for far too long.
We met on Valentines Day on our friends blind date. Neither of them wanted to go alone, as they met on a phone chat line called Live Links, so she begged me to come with her, and he came with his friend. The moment we met we knew we would be married. Sparks were flying. One week after we met, after being inseparable, we got engaged in the little bedroom of my single wide run down trailer I was renting. It really wasn't romantic at all. We were laying down talking. He had just taken me to a movie, Passion of the Christ, and to the jewelry store (he said he had to pick something up). He put the bag from the store on my night stand, and said (because I knew the ring was in there), "if you want it, you can have it". Should have been a clue this was not right.
Our engagement lasted a year. It was wonderful for the most part. We were married in March the following year in his grandfathers church. Our wedding night was spent opening gifts until we were too tired to do anything else.
When we moved out of his mother's house a month after the wedding, I was excited to finally begin our life together. I didn't know that within a few months I'd be questioning if I had made a mistake in marrying this man.
In this blog, I will talk about the instances of abuse between my husband and myself. I will call him Alex although that is not his name. For anyone reading this blog who is going through abuse, and you want to share your story, please send it to me at storiesofabatteredwife@gmail.com and I will make sure it gets posted.
My marriage is nothing like that. We've been together almost eight years, married almost seven. I was twenty-six when we met, he was younger than me by four years. He was in the process of getting a medical discharge from the Air Force, raised in a Christian home. He wanted to be a pastor and his love for God was so strong. I needed that at that point in my life. I had been lost for far too long.
We met on Valentines Day on our friends blind date. Neither of them wanted to go alone, as they met on a phone chat line called Live Links, so she begged me to come with her, and he came with his friend. The moment we met we knew we would be married. Sparks were flying. One week after we met, after being inseparable, we got engaged in the little bedroom of my single wide run down trailer I was renting. It really wasn't romantic at all. We were laying down talking. He had just taken me to a movie, Passion of the Christ, and to the jewelry store (he said he had to pick something up). He put the bag from the store on my night stand, and said (because I knew the ring was in there), "if you want it, you can have it". Should have been a clue this was not right.
Our engagement lasted a year. It was wonderful for the most part. We were married in March the following year in his grandfathers church. Our wedding night was spent opening gifts until we were too tired to do anything else.
When we moved out of his mother's house a month after the wedding, I was excited to finally begin our life together. I didn't know that within a few months I'd be questioning if I had made a mistake in marrying this man.
In this blog, I will talk about the instances of abuse between my husband and myself. I will call him Alex although that is not his name. For anyone reading this blog who is going through abuse, and you want to share your story, please send it to me at storiesofabatteredwife@gmail.com and I will make sure it gets posted.
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